January 2022 | Eyesore

Commentary on architectural blunders in monthly serial.

Behold the Bel Air (Los Angeles) real estate venture called The One. (There is no other One… it’s the only One). This exercise in wretched excess on steroids (with sugar on top) is a house, in case you couldn’t figure that out. It’s 105,000 square feet clad in white marble, has five pools, a large nightclub, 40-seat home theater, bowling alley, tennis court, running track, putting green, a 30-car garage, and a moat! All on three little acres. Views of distant downtown LA. One could easily imagine Christopher Walken ranging through the austere chambers with a Glock “Nine,” firing potshots at the art.

The developer, a sometime film producer named Nile Niami, lost control of the project when he missed a payment to an outfit called Westlake Finance, known to be an aggressive lender with a bent for hair-trigger foreclosures. Niami’s company, Crestlloyd LLC, went bankrupt and The One veered into receivership. Originally priced at $500-million, to make it the most expensive private home in America, it goes on the market this month priced at $295-million. The outstanding debt on the place is $165-million. If no one snaps it up, it goes to auction.

Note of interest: when the project got into trouble, Mr. Niami rented The One out as an “event space.” The nightclub was used to put on shows featuring holograms of Whiney Houston and Michael Jackson performing their hits. Holograms are lovely people. They don’t fight over their pay or make outlandish demands for exotic snacks in the Green Room.

If you happen to be in LA this month, go visit the place on its cut-de-sac, Airole Way off Stradella Road (map below).

Thanks to Joey King for the nomination.