May 2019

Commentary on architectural blunders in monthly serial.

The real estate website Zillow sez: “this contemporary home has a European flare with a Manhattan feel. Perfect for entertaining….” Actually, I’d say it has a Soviet flare with a recycling bin feel, perfect for opening a large vein in a warm tub. It’s in a Hudson Valley suburb of New York City. Lists for $499,000. Of course, a major campaign of the Modernists’ 100-YearWar on Sensibility is its determination to shit-can all design gestures that might convey charm or grace-notes in our built world. Here, they have succeeded maximally. Épater les bourgeois is still the password to glory among the revolutionary Puritans who rule architecture, and especially in the universities where they train recruits to the cause. Who can’t love that darling gas meter on the street-side elevation — with its cunning little yellow protective bollard! By the way, the house on the right is equally awful, but accomplishes it differently: reducing all the traditional exterior decor — fence, shutters, carriage lamps — to cheap cartoons. Go ahead and weep for America, a country that no longer has any idea how to get it right. Thanks to JS White for the nomination.